I have applied for several jobs, many of which I was over qualified for. I've had two phone interviews. Definitely not my forte. I need to see and interact with my audience.
I think that my biggest problem is that I don't want to necessarily practice law (unless it is in the field of domestic or sexual violence), and I'm not a clinical social worker. I want to run an organization. Or do community organizing. Help people. There lies my passion.
Things are tight, since our only income aside from unemployment is the minimum wage dh brings home from his part time dishwashing job.
That all being said, I've come to peace with our lot right now. I am thankful that someone else's suffering was relieved when they were offered and accepted the positions I didn't get. I have a lesson to learn here. I don't want to dawdle unnecessarily learning it, but I'm also trying to be patient with myself and our situation. If nothing more, I have even greater empathy for those of us experiencing poverty.
I have my days, though, when the phone gets shut off or we have to scrape up one too many dinners of whatever we can scrounge up in the pantry. Fortunately, I'm able to snap out of it and remember that, in this grand world, I am a speck of dust, and my job right now is to make it work, not to expect the world to conform to my needs and desires.
But here is what I can't tolerate: the fact that, because I lost my job and dental insurance, my son has to suffer an infection in his tooth. Pain, discomfort, and no way of clearly articulating it.
My first thought would be to go to my regular dentist, and beg some sort of payments, but we already owe them too much. I don't think they want to see me again until I walk in with cash in hand... I was laid off before I was able to pay after dh had his own dental emergency.
Kansas has a problem with access to and availability of dentists, a problem they acknowledge. So, what do families like mine do? We are giving him garlic on the hour. Slipping him fermented cod liver oil. Nursing on demand to the extent that my body is bent and sore, and I'm so sick of nursing I have fantasies of screaming NO! when I'm asked to nurse... But these only address the symptoms...
I am not the kind of parent who rushes to the doctor. Ever. Little A has never been, and Little N only thrice in nearly 5 years. However, children with infections in their mouths can die. Or they can permanently weaken their immune systems. And they hurt, unnecessarily.
If I'd had insurance and income, I would have made the appointment a week ago when he had a sudden fever, and this would all be over, or ending. It just frustrates me, and there's nothing, nothing out there regarding homeopathic dentistry. We have taken back birth, and food, and medicine, but we leave dentistry in the hands of so few...
We did know his teeth needed attention, and shortly before I was laid off, we were discussing the fact that, since he was so uncooperative in the dentist's office for a check up, it would be necessary to put him under to examine him and perform at least one procedure. We didn't want to. It isn't a decision any parent makes lightly, especially after hearing bad reviews of the available pediatric dentists in the area... And, well, we honestly couldn't afford the bills we already had.
I know that I am one in a million others (99%...), but my heart is breaking for my bebe. I only want to bring him peace.I'm out of options, like so many others. I'm doing the best I can, but for Little A, it's not enough...